When you choose the person you want to spend your life with, you also participate in choosing your child's partner.
The kind of example you set for your child in the house is the kind of example it will follow. Some children are in more favorable circumstances, allowing them to resist a bad model from the start, but most follow the path presented to them as a guideline.
By getting married, you start building something with the fore knowledge that it won't be easy, but in that imperfection you aim to nurture love and introduce that child into the world of love.
Through that relationship, it should learn what it means to love, what respect means, what mutual growth is. You show it what support and the power of love mean in the growth of a common pillar of value.
Strive to develop together in the relationship, focusing on love rather than causing harm to one another..
In any relationship, love involves helping the other person learn to love themselves more.
Otherwise, it becomes conditioning and addiction.
If, over time, the relationship becomes dysfunctional and unstable, with pain overshadowing love and nobility, leading to deeper emotional wounds and growing injuries, have the courage to pursue a divorce.End the relationship and sever the energy bond of those who are incompatible.
A child in the very early period of its growth, in harmless play with pure energy, believing in miracles and everything beautiful that life offers, begins to form its emotional pattern according to what hears, sees, feels.
If there is disrespect in the marriage, not love but belittling, there is coldness in relationships and bad communication, when the child grows up, it will have a problem regulating its emotions. Children would often choose partners which are emotionally unavailable or tend towards complicated relationships in some way. This can be due to a lack of self-confidence, a lower sense of value towards receiving love, the inability to express emotions in the right way.
It will look for that emotional pattern that was implemented during growing up and will strive for it because it is familiar to the mind and therefore a "safe" zone.
For a child, it is the correct pattern.
In most situations, it will gravitate towards the limited love available, believing it does not deserve anything more. However, when a child also fails to receive them, its self-evaluation scale continues to decline.
It will be difficult for that adult child to recognize a healthy relationship without experiencing the pain of an inherited pattern, at least once. Often, the entire relationship or just one parent figure is mirrored.
Some people remain completely emotionally crippled through these relationships, wandering like a hamster in a maze and always hitting the wrong signs, persistently looking for a way out to the source of love, on the wrong side. Trying to earn it, they flock to the cold because they have encountered it, more than once.
Then begins the questioning of one's own qualities, traits, and self-esteem.. The child is confused. In childhood, it saw one thing, but knowing the world, it realizes that it is something else. It wants something else but does not know how to get to that source of love because it has never seen the source but only more attempts to make an artificial lake.
Always remember that by hurting your partner in an effort to minimize your own pain, you are increasing the pain of the bystander, in this case the child. No child is required to feel the pain of dysfunctional partner relationships or to take on the role of family therapist. A child is a child and should remain in that role following the biological process of its growth and not the process of formation or dissolution of the family in which it was born.
Children are not born to compensate for a lack in partner relationships and to cover up pain, children should be made out of love and should grow in such an environment. They are only obliged to be joyful. If at some point you can no longer maintain that part of joy that you can influence as a parent, don't torture them. End the marriage relationship and set an example for them, that it's okay too.
What leaves consequences is the violation of that relationship to the limits of pain, which further spreads suffering to a larger number of people and creates traumas that are later chained and continue the tradition. Frequently, such intense pain shapes individuals who develop a fear of emotional attachment and their responsibilities as parents.
For someone like this, forming a deeper relationship can be frightening, and the most intense fear is often the prospect of becoming a parent, to avoid inflicting the same pain on their child.
Of all the rules and lessons for life, one should be the basis, and that is to teach children what love is today, so that they could become better humans tomorrow.
For children without fear and children who are loved. For love.
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