We possess numerous visions, dreams, desires, and ideas, yet we often lack the discipline, courage, and perseverance needed to realize them.
As I began to delve deeper into the analysis of my being, awareness expanded as did knowledge. It is painful to begin working on and correcting things within yourself, but it is even more painful to witness them in an environment that unknowingly perpetuates harmful patterns.
The first prerequisite for stopping the chain of egocentric parenting is to become aware of this process.
When we revisit our list of dreams and find them unfulfilled for various reasons, children enter our lives as our second chance. Now, we can make up for missed opportunities, wrong decisions, and failed attempts, finally giving us a chance to construct our "Disney" tower.
When creating a plan for our children, often even before they speak their first word or take their first step, we already envision a detailed narrative in our minds, complete with a focus on popularity.
Many will not like this, but egoism is already present by the fact that child is a genetic part of us. It then goes on to consider who it resembles, what belongs to whom, from appearance to personality. When the child starts to grow and shows affinity towards some interests, the parents already have a title with a diploma in their heads. And then, when a larger gathering of family and friends takes place, the words of the specialness of that great future scientist start to appear. However, if growing up the child stumbles from the Hollywood path created for it by its parents and accidentally makes a detour for its unique understanding of the world, it does not find its way there and becomes confused, the parent already gets a dose of disappointment and tries to return it to that well-trodden path. There is a threat that those dreams will not come true. Whose dreams?
A lack of support, coupled with suspicion and the threat of disciplinary actions, leads the child to feel undervalued. The child attempts to realize the dreams of parents and mentors, losing sight of which dreams are truly their own. What is occurring in this world of confusion?
The child tries to get back on track, has no success, feels unloved and looks for a way to please its parents.
Depending on the child's ability and inner strength to resist, it might be that:
Stays on that well-trodden path, looking for a way to fulfill dreams, to be accepted if succeeds, but to be unfulfilled and unhappy, which can have consequences in further development and relationships.
Tends to stick to familiar paths, and if expectations are not met, may experience a mental breakdown with emotional impacts that often influence future development and relationships during maturation.
Change the path and fight for the dream, which will learn through cognition and succeed there, but feel lonely and without support, which can further have consequences for further development and relationships.
Alter your course and pursue a dream, understanding that through knowledge and experience, you may encounter failure, accompanied by feelings of guilt or loneliness due to insufficient support, potentially affecting future growth and relationships.
The conclusion is that without love and support, children have consequences because they experienced the denial of free joy on their journey of knowledge.
I frequently remember a beautiful saying when I think about my inner child or watch the children around me.
"Whether you score sixty hits or none, I'll love you just the same." This is what his father told Kobe Bryant when he was eleven years old.
Such love, along with support, is what a child needs in order to feel valuable, loved and good enough. It is a prerequisite for a mentally healthy person.
We should not seek our self-worth through the achievements or lives of our children. It's important to recognize our own value independently and not rely on others to define it for us, particularly not children, as they deserve the freedom to discover their own potential.
Heal the child inside of you, so that yours could be healthy too.
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