She had everything. Everything that meets parameters of a happy life. She charmed with her smile. Conquered with her childlike attitude. A successful career was ahead of her. Everyone predicted a bright future for her. Many envied, many defied, but no one really knew what was hidden behind that smile.
How sincere someone's smile is, only those who constantly wear it and try to never take it off. It is not easy to show that smile, when you look at the world through the eyes of a colorblind person, there is no other scene, and the pain continues to destroy the soul. When your perception of reality is bleaker than what others see. That's when your mind knows it is at its strongest influencal point.
She was sitting on a bench, and watching the swans in the water. She loved water, it was somehow a cure for all problems, often when the exit sign was lost in the fog. Water was her therapist, her salvation, her friend, oasis of peace, a return to happiness and joy. It was difficult, oftentimes to deal with those moments of distorted reality, gloomy outlook and despair, but she knew she had to because, it was expected from her. In the moments of that intense pain, she did not know how to face her thoughts that diminished her self-confidence, killed the value of existence and fed the imposter syndrome that led to despair. Then, all achievements, successes, qualities were put into question mark. Often, this turned into severe physical pain, which led to anger and eventually created a feeling of helplessness that led to tears. In those moments, she would only wish that none of the people she loves were near her. In silence prayed that everything would pass quickly. To pass that feeling of helplessness, suffering and anger. She wanted to disappear, and many times reached for something that would stop her breathing. It appeared that weight of that anguish seemed immeasurable comparing to anything else. It is very difficult to carry a body that others consider a blessing and at the same time control a mind that destroys the beauty of existence by its actions. When there is no balance there, the line between life and death is very thin. Of all her ambitions and wish-lists, she often aspired to only one, and that was to disappear.
It seemed to her countless times that these are not real problems, but reality is subjective when it is under the control of a mind that functions according to established patterns. Mind chooses the beaten path because that path is familiar. It is easier to walk on a more painful and familiar path than to believe that a different one exists. It was not developed differently, since it started to be used. Then a feeling of remorse would set in that would tell her that these are not real problems, because someone there does not even posses the basic necessities for life. Another, wrong perception of the situation. Maybe the soul of someone who doesn't own much is healthier than the one who owns much more, in every sense. It's not only about the possibilities, but also about how we know how to use the ones we have properly, how we know how to make beautiful things out of everything we have, and where we are and get the best out of it.
Believing in life even when there is no basis for it is a skill that is acquired through pain and creates spiritual growth if we are strong enough to bear that pain.
I don't believe in the quote that, life gives you as much as you can endure, because many do not endure... I believe that life gives you enough to learn, grow, get stronger, but whether you will overcome everything for that purpose depends on your mental strength. Therefore, choose carefully what you feed your mind with because it passes that food on to the soul. Mind and soul are like mother and child. The mother gives food to the child, but if she does not give a good quality milk, and on time, the child becomes hungry and nervous.
The next day she would get ready, put on the most beautiful clothes and leave with the most beautiful smile, to give everyone the best of herself. The question that often came up, was just what was best for her at that moment...
When she could no longer bear the immense amount of pain, she jumped from the twenty-ninth floor of a penthouse in New York. She was Miss of United States, a law graduate and a TV host. She was what many wished they were, because they looked at her with the perception she never owned. Her name was Chelsie Kyrst
When she couldn't take it anymore, she hanged herself in her apartment in Belgrade. She was a model, the face of many brands, a journalist and a student. She attracted the eyes of many with her appearance, and conquered with her charisma. Her name was Marija Curčić.
When the actress who was the dream of many little girls with the role of cinderalla in the movie "Cinderella" could no longer resist, after several attempts, she managed to achieve her aim, and commit suicide by gas in her apartment. Her beauty was often called unique and unrepeatable. Her name was Bella Darvi.
Like many others...She became a puzzle and a mystery to everyone who thought that her life was a magical fairy tale, when in fact it was just an unfinished novel by a sad actor.
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